The Big J.C. and You!

And Christ looked upon his disciples and said "For when I come back to this earth, I will appear to the followers of our Lord and my Father in every day house hold items and food. Amen."



Now obviously the above line was never in any sort of holy text or anything like that but according to today's society it might as well have been. So let me take this moment to site the latest of these silly Jesus sightings, you can find it here: http://www.myfox8.com/news/wghp-story-treesus-101014,0,1008231.story. Not only does this story deserve a nice hardy-har-har but the title does as well.......Tree-sus.....freakin' Tree-sus!!!! Don't get me wrong, I'm not making fun of a person for having faith. In my eyes, faith can be a very powerful thing but when exactly does one's faith become so overwhelming that they are in fact delusioning themselves into believing that Christ has actually appeared to them in the form of a grilled cheese sandwich?

It would seem that any given outline of a robed figure or shape that resembles a bearded face with long hair that appears in wacky inanimate objects automatically qualifies as Jesus. What if it was a long lost family member? Imagine the disappointment of uncle Skip when you see him in the afterlife and he tells you this huge story about how he appeared to you to tell you some of life's biggest secrets only to have you ignore his presence because you were too busy celebrating the idea that it was Jesus. Or, maybe it is Satan *gasp* pulling over an Ashton Kutcher and "Punking" your ass, oh snap! I can't even begin to comprehend the amount of laughs he is having on these people. On the flip side of this, what if indeed it is Jesus?? What kind of story are you going to come up with to justify your eagerness to sell him on Ebay? It would be awfully apparent at that time to The Big J.C. that your "faith" and "devotion" could be easily sold for $30, what do you say then? Would it help the matter if you had your shipping material blessed at the local church? Also, out of all things, why is it that Jesus seems to only want to make his appearance in mostly food items (examples below)? These are some tough questions and the world may never know the answers........

Doing a google search you can find Jesus in all kinds of wacky things, these are some of my favorites:


Cheeto Jesus.


Coffee Jesus.


Frying Pan Jesus.


Grilled Cheese Jesus.


Icecream Jesus.


Leaf Jesus.


Pancake Jesus.


Potsticker Jesus.

Now you may not have the same or agree with my religious views, but with goofy people making national news headlines by finding Christ in a pee stain on their child's bed sheets, it sometimes is no wonder that folks are turning from organized religion and finding God on their own terms.

Quick Rant: Since October's The Way You Move

Well it seems as though the radio has given me another gem to write about. The more this happens the more I think that I am either getting older or I am desperately needing to hear something that is actually worth a damn come through my car speakers. Don't get me wrong here, I am by no means a music critic and I am sure that if you went through my music collection you would probably question a few of my purchases. But the facts remain that 1.) I don't give a shit and 2.) This is some of the entire reason I started this blog in the first place. I only hope that some of my bitching about certain things either gets a laugh or helps someone to see how absolutely atrocious some of this radio music is.

Go ahead and read these five star lyrics:

You walk in the room
Every eye on you
It's an attraction for every view
For every step you prove
I watch the victims rise up just to fall for you

I'm so caught up in the way you move

I know that I've already been here before
And I know that I promised my self no more
But there something about you girl
Something about
The way you move making me want to believe
Maybe you maybe me we can try it and see
You got me thinking that you're everything perfect for me
Cause there something about you girl
Something about the way you move
That's making me want to believe
Just something about the way you move

Curiosity has got the best of me
I can't ignore that you and your mystery
It's all or nothing now are you my destiny
I prayed forever that's the only possibility

I'm so caught up in the way you move

I know that I've already been here before
And I know that I promised my self no more
But there something about you girl
Something about
The way you move making me want to believe.
Maybe you maybe me we can try it and see
You got me thinking that your everything perfect for me
Cause there something about you girl
Something about the way you move
That's making me want to believe
Just something about the way you move

There something about you

I I will always remember the day
That you came a moving my way
And every piece of me want to run away
But your worth the chance to take
A perfect love that I know can't be wrong
A perfect love is why I sing this song
Together you and me will always beat the odds
Come with me

( soft voice )
I know that I've already been here before

I know that I've already been here before
And I know that I promised my self no more
But there something about you girl
Something about
The way you move making me want to believe.
Maybe you maybe me we can try it and see
You got me thinking that your everything perfect for me
Cause there something about you girl
Something about the way you move
That's making me want to believe
Just something about the way you move

It is my humble opinion that hospitals should use this shit to help induce vomiting for O.D. patients instead of that Ipecac stuff. I sincerely believe that this song was in no way written by the band (this being based on the fact that I have not yet heard any of their other songs). There is in fact a conspiracy here and its called "boy band has-beens". What I mean by this is that hidden somewhere on this earth there are old washed out members of Color Me Badd, 98 Degrees, All 4 One, Menudo, and probably even the the male members of The Jets that are penning this garbage out for these bands. I'll even be willing to bet that that Joey FatOne and the alcoholic guy from the Backstreet Boys (this guy getting paid in nothing but his chosen flavors of Bartles & Jaymes and Boones Farm) are getting in on the action. Now check out the video (below) and listen to the actual song. Remove the band completely, add three or so younger males with frosted tips and Hollister shirts and slow the tempo of the song down a bit and there you have it, the long lost song that was originally written by the guy who resembles Kenny G in Color Me Badd.......

Since October - The Way You Move [Music Video] from Frederico Marques on Vimeo.

The worst part of all of this for me is that this band is signed to a label that I once had great respect for, Tooth & Nail. Do yourself a favor and check out the past alumni of this label, your won't regret it.

Mother Nature has conditioned my ass!

So, as the cooler temperatures approach us I am reminded about the one thing that I hate most about winter......that would be the fact that its freakin' winter! I hate everything about it. You don't really wanna go outside because its freezing balls, my own personal coffee intake goes through the roof, it seems to stay perpetually cloudy for a solid six months, and you have to wear at least thirty seven layers of clothing just to go out and get the mail.


Well, it would seem that mother nature has heard my pissing and moaning for too long and has taken quite the retort to me for the past two years. "How can this be??", you ask. Well, its simple really.......conditioning. As soon as it starts to get cold, I shock the piss outta myself on everything and anything metal. Except for say, like, Behemoth cds. If metal cds could shock me I would say that would be a testament to the power of metal (please note the dorkiness of my statement by checking out the Wyld Stallyons pic!). I am very serious about this though, from car doors to entry door handles you name it, it shocks me. But the worst of them all is the metal nozzle to flush the toilet in any given public rest room and thus brings up my awareness that mother nature has conditioned me.


Laugh all you want, as soon as it gets cold I start loathing the idea of taking a piss at work. She is good, that bitch mother nature. It has gotten so bad that I have to mentally psych myself up by counting to three and then just making a mad grab at the toilet handle. Sure enough about an inch away from the thing........POW! Let me tell you, its never one of those shocks that you just hear and barely feel, oh no....I have had a couple that have left my finger or hand completely numb. I would swear that if the light was off, it would light up the entire bathroom stall. So let this be a warning, if you ever get conditioned like I have and you find yourself turning into a massive sand filled vagina when you think about touching items made of metal in the winter, maybe you should have bitched a little less about mother nature because I promise you she is laughing her ass off at your expense.